On my own
by littleaquarius
Summary: After the war and the loss of the one she loved, Katara is on her own. Songfic. Zutara.


On my own

Disclaimer: the lyrics I used for this story is 'On my own' from 'Les Miserables'. So I don't own the lyrics and I don't own 'Avatar' (, sadly).

Katara:

She walked alone. She always did. Mostly she liked being alone; she could go where she wanted to go, nobody was there to tell her it wasn't a good idea or to whine about wanting to go somewhere else. She could eat what she wanted to eat; sleep when she wanted to sleep; walk where she wanted to walk and for as long as she wanted to. In theory, she was free…

_And now I'm all alone again  
Nowhere to turn, no one to go to.  
Without a home, without a friend  
without a face to say hello to  
But now the night is near  
And I can make-believe he's here_

She missed him. She missed everything about him. She missed the way he grinned at her when he drove her insane and the way he smiled when she wouldn't let him. She missed how he was the only one that never automatically believed or followed her. He actually made a habit out of not agreeing with her. But when they were alone, they stopped pretending they hated each other. They even ignored the fact their birth tribes were natural enemies. They didn't care about that. They cared about nothing but each other and being together…__

Sometimes I walk alone at night  
When everybody else is sleeping  
I think of him and then I'm happy  
With the company I'm keeping  
The city goes to bed  
And I can live inside my head  


She understood they couldn't be together. It was just too complicated and the newfound peace between the tribes after the war was still fragile. They were different, very different; maybe even too different. And neither of their fathers would have approved. But even though she could think of dozens of reasons not to be with him, she could think of ten times as many reasons to be with him anyway. She repeated them over and over in her head; like listing them would bring him back to her…_  
_

_On my own  
Pretending he's beside me  
All alone  
I walk with him 'til morning  
Without him, I feel his arms around me  
And when I lose my way, I close my eyes and he has found me_

She was tired and it was cold. The cold seemed to stick to her skin like wet fabric. She shivered. It felt like it had been raining for months. But she didn't really care about the weather. Nor did she care about how long she had been walking, or how far she still had to go. She would keep walking until she got there…

_In the rain  
The pavement shines like silver  
All the lights are misty in the river  
In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight  
And all I see is him and me forever and forever_

She could see him from where she was standing; by the river, near the castle; his castle. Even though he wasn't even that far away, she couldn't go to him, not again. She couldn't ask him to sacrifice everything, like he did before. But she wanted to ask him and she knew he would say 'yes' if she did…

_And I know it's only in my mind  
That I'm talking to myself and not to him  
And although I know that he is blind  
Still I say there's a way for us_

Before the war, it seemed easier to be together. They would both simply sneak away and meet in the forest after dark. It was simple, because he was always after them. To the outside world, it seemed like he was chasing them; in reality he was watching over them and when the situation demanded it, he would help…

_I love him  
But when the night is over  
He is gone  
The river's just a river  
Without him, the world around me changes  
The trees are bare and everywhere the streets are full of strangers  
_

She missed him. She had gone to his castle so many times, she lost count. But every time she went to him, she would run as fast as she could in the other direction as soon as she saw him. It just hurt too much…

_  
I love him  
But every day I'm lonely  
All my life I've only been pretending  
Without me, his world will go on turning  
The world is full of happiness that I have never known_

She loved him. She loved him more than anything or anyone in the world, and therefore she couldn't go to him. He had a tribe to lead. It was that simple. It was logical. She just couldn't be with him anymore. She couldn't look into his eyes and talk to him all night, like she used to once. Not again…

_I love him  
I love him  
I love him...  
But only on my own..._


End file.
